What I've Learned About America From Hollywood Films
     
	by Yury Nesterenko (http://yun.complife.info)

     - To  become an  American city  mayor (or,  in  common,  a  general
administrator of any big object) you should be an idiot and a  scoundrel
at one time. Only one of those qualities isn't enough.

     - The most reliable way to  destroy an  American town is  to find a
rich sponsor who wants to invest a large sum in that town.

     - American police have  a  main  quality match  -  an  inability to
shoot straight.

     - Instead,  an  American policeman can lick about ten average doses
of  the  pure heroin from his  finger and  not  to  feel even the  light
gloominess of his consciousness.

     - All  black teens are members of  youth gangs.  When they grow up,
they all become police captains.

     - The  main subjects in  American schools are baseball and American
football.

     - Nevertheless,  America produce all scientific discoveries in  the
world.

     - America have a  lot  of  big  unmanned and unprotected factories.
Their  main  purpose is  to  be  a  meeting point  for  persons who  are
absolutely unsympathizing to each other.

     - Most  of  the  Americans,  including  journalists and  government
representatives, aren't curious-minded. If monsters or aliens assault on
a  small American town,  ten  years later only one  or  two natives know
about it.

     - Most  of  the  Americans,  obviously  excluding  policemen,  were
trained in the elite special services. And many of them can't even guess
about that.

     - Americans are  very unsure and fearful nation,  because when they
see a  fortnightly dead body nibbled by rats they say:  "I'm afraid he's
dead".

     - Nothing is  more helpful for the life success of an American than
being fired from his job. Nothing consolidates an American family better
than a divorce.

     - American cars  are  equipped with  self-blasting devices for  the
event of crash.

     - American planes hardly ever crash,  but  hardly ever fly  without
adventures.  Herewith, they are so simple to control that even when half
of  the  onboard systems fails,  every child could land  them.  So  it's
impossible to  understand for  what  reason  American pilots  get  their
money.

     - In common,  American machines are solely reliable and continue to
work without repair and technical services through a  twenty years after
the collapse of the civilization.  Fires,  desert storms, acid rains and
volcanic eruptions can do nothing to produce an observable damage.  Such
a machine  fails  in only one case - when  the main character sits in it
and is trying to use it and his persecutors are coming closer.

     - America has  a leading medicine. American lethal wounds are cured
for about three days and non lethal ones - in a couple of minutes.

     - Americans have exceeded the yogas in  their art of  a  body for a
long ago. So, the average American not only can "grab his ass", but also
run somewhere dragging it.

     - Falling from the  third store to  the concrete floor,  covered by
broken  glass  and  bricks, sometimes probably can  injure an  American.
That's why  the  rules of  politeness for such events order to  ask him:
"Are you alright?"

     - Even twenty years after the collapse of civilization,  in a  void
and lifeless desert, American women are able to find their hairdressers.

     - American  villains  are  absolutely  inapplicable to  the  common
expression "nobody dies twice".

     - Sometimes American weapons really can waste ammo to THE END.

(C) Yury Nesterenko, 2004 (original text)
(C) Yury Lapitskiy (http://yuriybrisk.narod.ru/) & Yury Nesterenko, 2004
(English translation)


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