What I've Learned About America From Hollywood Films
by Yury Nesterenko (http://yun.complife.info)
- To become an American city mayor (or, in common, a general
administrator of any big object) you should be an idiot and a scoundrel
at one time. Only one of those qualities isn't enough.
- The most reliable way to destroy an American town is to find a
rich sponsor who wants to invest a large sum in that town.
- American police have a main quality match - an inability to
- Instead, an American policeman can lick about ten average doses
of the pure heroin from his finger and not to feel even the light
gloominess of his consciousness.
- All black teens are members of youth gangs. When they grow up,
they all become police captains.
- The main subjects in American schools are baseball and American
- Nevertheless, America produce all scientific discoveries in the
- America have a lot of big unmanned and unprotected factories.
Their main purpose is to be a meeting point for persons who are
absolutely unsympathizing to each other.
- Most of the Americans, including journalists and government
representatives, aren't curious-minded. If monsters or aliens assault on
a small American town, ten years later only one or two natives know
- Most of the Americans, obviously excluding policemen, were
trained in the elite special services. And many of them can't even guess
- Americans are very unsure and fearful nation, because when they
see a fortnightly dead body nibbled by rats they say: "I'm afraid he's
- Nothing is more helpful for the life success of an American than
being fired from his job. Nothing consolidates an American family better
than a divorce.
- American cars are equipped with self-blasting devices for the
event of crash.
- American planes hardly ever crash, but hardly ever fly without
adventures. Herewith, they are so simple to control that even when half
of the onboard systems fails, every child could land them. So it's
impossible to understand for what reason American pilots get their
- In common, American machines are solely reliable and continue to
work without repair and technical services through a twenty years after
the collapse of the civilization. Fires, desert storms, acid rains and
volcanic eruptions can do nothing to produce an observable damage. Such
a machine fails in only one case - when the main character sits in it
and is trying to use it and his persecutors are coming closer.
- America has a leading medicine. American lethal wounds are cured
for about three days and non lethal ones - in a couple of minutes.
- Americans have exceeded the yogas in their art of a body for a
long ago. So, the average American not only can "grab his ass", but also
run somewhere dragging it.
- Falling from the third store to the concrete floor, covered by
broken glass and bricks, sometimes probably can injure an American.
That's why the rules of politeness for such events order to ask him:
"Are you alright?"
- Even twenty years after the collapse of civilization, in a void
and lifeless desert, American women are able to find their hairdressers.
- American villains are absolutely inapplicable to the common
expression "nobody dies twice".
- Sometimes American weapons really can waste ammo to THE END.
(C) Yury Nesterenko, 2004 (original text)
(C) Yury Lapitskiy (http://yuriybrisk.narod.ru/) & Yury Nesterenko, 2004
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