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		Hardware Problem

		by Yury Nesterenko

"Merlin, Inc. technical support. How can I help you?"
"Yesterday I bought your sword..."
"Congratulations, sir, you've made the right choice!"
"It doesn't work."
"What do you mean - doesn't work?"
"It doesn't cut the dragon's head."
"Have you read the manual, sir?"
"A noble knight has not to know how to read! But my armour-bearer
has read it to me aloud twice."
"Well, sir. Have you taken the sword out of the sheath?"
"Is that really so? Check it again, please."
"I've done it, I'm telling to you!"
"Okay, sir. Now check the edge sharpness."
"You shouldn't do it with your finger, sir."
"What finger? I've done it with my tongue! I always check a sharp
flavour of my meal like that."
"You see, sir, a sword has a bit different construction than your
meal. The term 'sharp' means here..."
"Don't shit my brain! I'm not obliged to know you technical terms!
I'm a user, not a hardware specialist. You'd better answer why
doesn't it work!"
"Did it work before?"
"I don't know, I bought it only yesterday!"
"Okay, sir. Have you done anything with it?"
"Are you sure?"
"Well, I only took it out of the sheath."
"Did you try to grind it yourself?"
"What the hell for?"
"You know better, sir. Maybe you tried to install new spells on it?"
"No, I use the default ones, which are supplied with the sword!"
"Maybe it's the spoiling, sir? How long ago have you updated your
holy water?"
"I've downloaded the fresh version only two days ago!"
"I see, sir. Then look if there are unscreened sources of black
magic nearby. They may interfere with the sword."
"What the damned sources?! I'm in the desert!"
"Don't be so nervous, sir."
"Holy shit, I'm not nervous!"
"Then why are you panting?"
"Because the dragon is chasing me!"
"Oh, so the dragon is near you?"
"Yes, he is already QUITE near!"
"Excellent, sir! Give him the handset."
"And what if he bites my arm off?"
"Sorry, sir, but medical problems are beyond our competence."
"Next time I'll buy a sword of Morgana, Ltd.!"
"Well... okay, sir. Describe at least how the dragon looks."
"Well, he is such... yellow... with moustaches..."
"It's clear now. You should've begun with it. It's a non-licensed
dragon, a Chinese conterfeit."
"Read the license agreement, sir. Merlin, Inc. doesn't guarantee
any compatibility with non-certified devices."
"And what should I do?"
"Don't use cheap no-name dragons anymore, sir."
"Looks like HE is going to use me right now! Aaagh! No! Aaaaa..."
"Sir? Sir, are you okay?... Well, at any case, Merlin, Inc.
thanks you for cooperation!"

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